Turning 40 - the prequel
I looked at my therapist. I was a blubbering mess and he was trying to bring me back from the despair I was in. “On top of it all, i’m turning 40 and i’ve done NOTHING with my life!!!”.
Cue more wailing.
“Well, you’ve got 2 beautiful children…...” , I didn’t even let him finish.
“A N Y O N E can have kids! come on! it’s hardly an achievement!”.
Somehow he had me dry eyed and in a reasonable mood by the time I walked out.
Last weekend I turned 40. I had spent the latter part of 2018 vacillating between want to celebrate the day in a significant way and wanting the day to pass with little notice as I drowned in a bath tub of ice-cream and popcorn. As 2018 turned to 2019 I was being asked more and more what I was doing for my birthday and the answer remained the same - I had no idea. I explored a few avenues before settling in my mind that I wanted something low key with my little family. We’d go to New York and spend the weekend in a nice hotel, I’d buy something special to mark the day & we’d come home. That was it. Once I told my sisters and cousins that that was my plan, they decided they were going to come. before long it had turned into something of a mini event. It all seemed a bit surreal.
When the weekend arrived, I could barely believe the amount of love surrounding me. i had these people around me who I either grew up with or met on the journey to 40 and they were here celebrating me wholeheartedly. My family sent in video messages that got me emotional & friends from the uk sent their own. As I sat there listening to all the sweet things people said about our unique relationships, I felt my life thus far had been worthwhile. I just felt so loved and so blessed and was glad that i’d had this opportunity to be with people who made me see the me they see.
The me i’d been seeing before that moment in the karaoke bar was a complete under achiever without much to show for their life apart from a husband and 2 kids. The me that left that bar had a pep I her step from knowing that just by being herself, she’d brought value to the lives of others. and that was something worth being proud of and celebrating.
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