feel the fear - do it anyway

two weeks ago, mummy and daddy had the opportunity to go on a weekend break with a group from church. mummy was excited - she's easily excitable that one. they decided to let my little big sis stay over at my godsister's  house. mummy did try to fob me off to my godmother tinashe but she was having none of it. she said "who? that one! errr...i have plans friday, saturday, sunday, infact i'm fully booked until his wedding day."  so, i tagged along. as we set off from Ivana & carmen's house, mummy was feeling excited. she had some decisions to make and she felt that this time away to reflect, pray and relax would be just the ticket.

but before she could get to enjoy the weekend, she had to do her part of the long drive to the back of the beyond aka Alfriston aka yes, i know....alfriwhatnow? phone batteries held on for dear life, then eventually died and all that was left was the temperamental satnav which seemed to be leading us deeper and deeper into thick  woodland. mummy woke daddy up to discuss whether he had a will and that they really need to sort out what happens to the kids should anything happen to them. as mummy's mind began to picture the chaos of people fighting over my little big sis after we got swallowed up by the darkness, we saw the pub that everyone was gathered at and dad heaved a sigh of relief. #dramaqueen

we greeted, we ate, we slept on a bunkbed and had a fun night.

the next day some activities had been planned. mummy had signed herself and dad up for a group of activities that kept her feet as close to the ground as possible: mountain biking / canoeing / archery and........ there was high ropes but she wasn't up for that. she thought we'd be done in a couple of  hours then she'd get on with the relax & revive she longed for.

2 hours later mummy was standing at the foot of a tall tree about to climb up a ladder and walk across a log to another tall tree. (basically she hadn't thought through what i'd be doing whilst she was mountain biking and canoeing - no baby carries on canoes!)


so here we were, me and mum, in the group of activities her nightmares are made of : high ropes, log walking, abseiling, archery. mummy had initially said a flat "no" to the log walking. then she stood there and watched as one after one, the other members of her group climb up and triumph. she started to feel like she could do this. i mean honestly, some of them were positively skipping across the log and came flying down the rope to ground level. when, aunty anna, who mummy was hoping would be her partner in not going on the log, went up and triumphed, mummy decided to give it a go. how hard could it be?

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mummy was fitted with the ropes and stood at the foot of the tree. she took about 3 steps up the ladder and froze. "I can't do it!" she shouted to the guy who could probably still smell the sausages from her breakfast in her breath! she was that close to the ground!

"Yes you can!"  - everyone shouted back.

"no I can't, I really can't!",


so off went the reluctant Obama up the ladder. once up there she hugged the tree. then wouldn't let go. she hugged that tree and asked to come back down.

"take a step!" , they shouted.

"no! I can't!".

she was petrified and really wished she had never decided to come here. she stood there and really wondered about that will. this could be it.

"take that first step!" came the shouts from below. "you won't fall, and even if you do, we've got the rope, you'll just dangle!" .

she knew they meant well, but the idea of dangling was almost worse than walking on the log. mummy thought about all the fears she had brought with her on this trip, the ones she really wanted to face. if she could do this, she could face those fears too. she took the first step, and the guys cheered!

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then she went on and on. she said the middle was the most petrifying but she made it to the other side. she was then too scared to go to the next level and the instructor allowed her to come down. when her feet touched the ground the group cheered for her & she felt great.

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here's what mummy said she learned from that log walk:

1 - things always look easy when others are doing them : it's so easy to shout at that apprentice on TV who gets it wrong, or scoff at the blogger with a million followers on instagram. you try it & lets see.

2 - it's easier to face your fears with people who believe in you by your side: i love the guys from Hillsong Oxford for being so kind to me. i could never have done that without them.

3 - God's got your back : what's the worst that could happen if you face your fears? if i had slipped, i would have been ok. and i could have gone back up if i wanted to.

as mummy was busy climbing logs and getting deep revelations about life, i was getting revelations of my own! mud tastes soooo good! mmmm mmm! i really cannot wait till we get a garden - that stuff was good! it was such a revelation!


we all enjoyed our time away and had a most fabulous reunion with morayo-hope who had had a fantastic weekend with her new bff's Ivana & Carmen. i'll let her tell you about it herself but here's a sneak peak of her weekend sleepover.



judah xoxo